Summary: Before there were frameworks, assessments, or leadership models, there was something far more powerful and far more fragile: human connection. Over decades of working with leaders and teams, I’ve learned this truth the hard way; people don’t disengage because they don’t care. They disengage because they don’t feel connected. And connection doesn’t begin with words. It begins with presence.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I feel so alone at work. I am not part of the “in crowd” and rarely get to share the laughter or anger about what is happening day to day.
I need some strategies, or at least ideas, on how to connect with my co-workers more effectively.
Signed,
Lone Wolf
It Only Takes Moments To Change How You Listen
Dear Lone Wolf,
It seems like we are losing the art of communication. Early in my career, I was coaching a senior leader who was doing everything right.
Clear goals. Strong results. Well-run meetings.
Yet something wasn’t working.
During one session, he suddenly stopped mid-sentence. His voice softened. His shoulders dropped. Then he said quietly, “I don’t think anyone here actually knows me.”
There it was, a glimmer before I had language for it.
It was not a performance issue. Nor was it a competence issue.
Communication Is A Connection Issue
That moment stayed with me. Because I realized something essential:
No amount of strategy can compensate for a lack of human connection.
Why I Wrote UNIQUE
That experience, and thousands like it, led me to write UNIQUE.
I didn’t write it to help people stand out.
I wrote it to help people come home to who they already are.
At work, many of us learned to edit ourselves:
- Don’t be too emotional
- Of course, don’t speak up unless you’re certain
- And especially, don’t show uncertainty; it might be used against you
But when people suppress their uniqueness, they don’t become safer.
They become smaller. And so does the organization.
UNIQUE is built on a simple belief (the full title is UNIQUE: How Story Sparks Diversity, Inclusion, and Engagement.”)
When people feel seen, they don’t just perform better, they relate better.
And relationships are the real infrastructure of every successful workplace.
From Being Unique to Noticing Glimmers
As my work evolved, I noticed something subtle but powerful.
Even leaders who valued individuality often missed the moment when connection was forming or breaking.
That’s what led me to write GLIMMERS at Work.
Glimmers are those fleeting signals:
- A tight feeling in your chest during a meeting
- A surge of energy when someone finally speaks the truth
- A quiet intuition telling you to pause instead of pushing
They are guidance systems, head, heart, and gut, working together.
But you can only notice glimmers when you are willing to slow down and stay human.
The Real Work of Human Connection
Human connection at work doesn’t require grand gestures or perfect words.
It asks something braver:
- Listen without fixing
- Stay curious instead of being defensive
- Notice what’s happening inside you while engaging with others
When leaders do this, patterns shift. Trust builds. Conversations deepen.
And suddenly, work stops feeling transactional—and starts feeling meaningful again.
The Invitation to Change
Here’s your practice for today: Notice one glimmer at work. That moment of connection. When there is a flash of discomfort. When you feel a subtle nudge to speak, or stay silent.
Don’t rush past it.
That moment may be inviting you into deeper leadership.
If you’re ready to strengthen human connection at work, I invite you to begin with UNIQUE, and continue the journey with Invisible Stress, and be ready for GLIMMERS at Work.
Because leadership isn’t about being in charge.
It’s about being in a relationship.
And that’s where everything truly begins.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
P.S. Next Tuesday, I will write about Why We Avoid the Conversations That Matter Most, and How to Stay Present Anyway. In the meantime, check out my books UNIQUE and Invisible Stress.
