Summary: The holiday season looks magical on greeting cards. In real life? It’s Q4 targets, year-end reviews, budget battles, family drama, travel chaos, and way too much sugar… all piled on top of a regular workweek. If you’re a business leader, the holidays can feel like a tightrope: Here’s the truth: the way you move through the holidays affects your health, your team’s resilience, and your culture more than any swap gift ever could.
Remember >> “Just push through” is not a strategy. It’s a slow-motion crash.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I keep smiling this holiday season, pretending I’m “just fine,” while my nervous system is screaming otherwise.
I hear my inner voice saying the same old thing that happens every December: Hit the numbers. Be “festive.” Don’t burn out. And especially, keep everyone else from burning out.
No pressure, right?
There are still several weeks to practice a new way.
Suggestions, please.
Signed,
Finding a New Way
Accept That Holiday Stress Is Real (You’re Not Weak. You’re Human.)
Dear Finding a New Way,
Let’s start here:
The holidays amplify everything already under the surface.
If your team is overworked, the holidays expose it. Think about it. If you’re people-pleasing and can’t say no, the holidays crush you. And know that if your organization normalizes burnout, the holidays pour gasoline on the fire.
On top of that, the holidays wake up your original organization, your family, and even at work.
That means old patterns show up in new clothes: You become the Super-Achiever trying to “save the year.” Someone else turns into the Martyr, doing three people’s jobs “for the team.” And if you’re like me (or how I used to be), the Drama King/Queen turns every schedule change into a soap opera.
Consider this: You’re not imagining it nor overreacting. And you don’t fix it by pretending everything is “merry and bright.”
Healthy leadership starts with telling the truth about what this season does to people’s nervous systems.
Protect Your Energy Like It’s a Strategic Asset (Because It Is)
Here’s the leadership secret no one puts in the annual report:
Your regulated nervous system is one of your company’s most valuable assets.
If you’re exhausted, resentful, or silently panicking, your team feels it, even if you never say a word.
So for this holiday season, treat your energy like budget dollars.
Ask yourself daily: What gives you energy, and what drains you? Consider what you can delegate, delay, or delete.
Then make non-negotiable commitments, such as having an authentic lunch away from your screen or setting a hard stop time at least a few evenings a week.
Think about doing just one activity that grounds you (walking, journaling, breathing, music, prayer, whatever works).
This is not indulgent. It’s leadership hygiene.
Tired, edgy leaders create tired, edgy cultures.
Calmer leaders create room for everyone to breathe.
Redefine “Productivity” for the Holiday Season
During the holidays, many leaders try to operate as if it’s a normal month with a few extra cookies.
It’s not.
People are traveling, caring for kids at home from school, and managing family expectations. Many are dealing with grief, loneliness, or financial pressure.
If you pretend it’s business as usual, you create invisible stress and underground resentment.
Instead, ask: “What does realistic, meaningful progress look like in December?”
Consider: Shorter meetings with tighter agendas. Clear “must-do” vs “nice-to-do” priorities. Fewer new initiatives, more smart wrap-up and planning.
Give your team permission to focus on what truly matters instead of pretending they can do it all. That fantasy is what leads to mistakes, conflict, and burnout—just in time for the new year.
Set Boundaries You Actually Honor (And Model Them)
Holidays are boundary-testers.
If you send emails at 11:47 p.m. with “no rush” in the subject line, your team gets the real message: “Always be on.”
Leaders often say, “Take time off, be with your family,” while visibly working non-stop themselves. People notice the truth, not the speech.
Healthy, positive leadership during the holidays means you:
- Clarify expectations: “No one is expected to answer emails after 6 p.m.” Remember, “If you’re off, you’re off. No checking in.”
- Honor PTO: Don’t book “just a quick call” during someone’s vacation.
- Back your words with behavior: Put your own out-of-office on. Don’t show up online at all hours.
One of the best gifts you can give your team is the experience of a leader who actually lives by their own policies.
Remember Everyone Brings Their Family to Work (Especially Now)
During the holidays, people’s family stories walk right into the office or the Zoom room with them.
You’ll see:
The pleaser is trying to make everyone happy.
The avoider who disappears when conflict shows up.
The martyr who takes on extra work and later feels used.
This is where you can either:
Use JUBLA (Judge, Blame, or Attack (“Why can’t they be more professional?”)),
OR
Lead with curiosity (“What pattern is playing out here, and how can I help shift it?”).
A few practical moves:
When emotions spike, lower your voice rather than raise it.
Ask, “What do you need right now to do your best work?”
Normalize that this time of year is loaded: “If you’re feeling stretched, you’re not alone.”
You’re not your team’s therapist, but you are a pattern spotter.
When you see patterns, you can build better structures: clearer roles, more realistic timelines, and more honest check-ins.
Build In “Micro-Glimmers of Good” for Your Team
No, you don’t have to throw another draining holiday party.
You do need to create small, real glimmers, moments where people feel seen, safe, and appreciated.
GLIMMERS shine when you show:
- Specific appreciation:
Skip the generic “Great job, team” email.
Instead: “Sarah, your calm presence with that angry client last week made a huge difference. Thank you.” - Connection with a point:
Start a meeting with:
“What’s one thing you’re grateful for outside of work this week?”
or
“What’s one win, even a tiny one, you’ve had recently?” - Permission for honesty:
“On a scale of 1–10, how fried are you? No judgment, just data.”
These micro-moments are not “soft.”
They literally help regulate nervous systems, reduce invisible stress, and increase resilience.
In other words, they help performance, with a human face.
Plan Now for January
Here’s a radical thought: Lead in December in a way that you will thank yourself for in January.
Ask:
- If we keep pushing like this, what will the mood be on January 10?
- What would make it easier to re-enter in the new year, rather than crawling back?
Ideas:
- Don’t fill the first week of January with back-to-back meetings.
- Schedule one “reflection and reset” session with your team in early January instead of ten rushed status updates.
- Capture what you’ve learned this year, about stress, capacity, and culture, while it’s fresh.
You’re not just managing a month.
You’re shaping the emotional runway into the new year.
One Simple Holiday Leadership Question
If everything above feels like too much, start here:
“What is the kindest, clearest way I can lead right now?”
Kind does not mean soft or sloppy.
Kind means:
No pretending. Think about not gaslighting people’s stress and consider not rewarding burnout.
Clear means:
Here’s what matters most this month. Validate what can wait. “Here’s how we’ll protect your time, and mine.”
From there, you’ll make better choices, have better conversations, and create a healthier holiday season, for yourself and everyone around you.
You Don’t Have to White-Knuckle Your Way Through
You’re allowed to be a powerful leader and a human being who finds this season intense.
You can care about results and care about nervous systems. Celebrate and slow down. Lead strongly and ask for support.
If the holidays have always felt like a stress marathon in your organization, this is your chance to break the pattern.
Not with one grand gesture, but with small, steady choices that put health, clarity, and connection at the center of how you lead.
Your team will remember that a lot longer than the holiday cookies.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS: Let’s make this season healthy and fun. Here’s to you, and you, and you. Enjoy.
