Summary: We often think freedom comes from changing jobs, relationships, or circumstances, but real freedom begins within. By recognizing the old patterns and stories that shape our reactions, we create space to choose a different response. That moment of self-awareness is where lasting change begins—and where we gain the freedom to lead, connect, and create a different future.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
What is the greatest long-term impact of your work, The Glimmers Effect™? I am ready to make changes that will last and not just be another leadership “flavor of the month.”
It has taken me time to agree with your proposition that what we learned in our original organization, the family, shows up at work and in all other adult relationships. What is the key benefit of looking at the past to, as you say, free the present?
Thanks for responding.
Signed,
Growth Fan
Happy Bastille Day to Everyone
Dear Growth Fan,
Let me start by acknowledging why today’s blog, on July 14th, is a special day.
Several years ago, I was in Paris on July 14th to watch the fireworks and celebrate Bastille Day. It marks a flashpoint in the French Revolution, which followed not long after the American Revolution. On July 14, 1789, the storming of the Bastille prison became a powerful symbol of the fight for freedom, justice, and the end of tyranny. It’s a reminder that revolutions, whether in nations, organizations, or ourselves, begin when we realize we have the power to shape a different future.
As we celebrate freedom this time of year, I find myself thinking about a different kind of independence. The kind no one can give us, and no one can take away. For more than thirty-five years, I’ve worked with leaders in boardrooms, hospitals, family businesses, universities, and nonprofit organizations. On the surface, their challenges seem very different.
One is dealing with a difficult employee. Another is trying to rebuild trust after a merger. Someone else is struggling to balance work and family. Different stories. Different industries. Yet beneath them, I often see the same question.
Am I Free to Choose a Different Way?
Most of us believe we’re responding to what’s happening in the moment. More often than we’d like to admit, we’re reacting to something much older. Often, there is a childhood thought that peeks out from our memory bank.
Perhaps it was an experience that quietly taught you to protect yourself long after the danger had passed. Or a time you felt shut down by a teacher or a group of your school peers. Thus, you learned to protect yourself. Those survival strategies were often brilliant when first learned. They helped you cope. And many times, they helped you succeed.
What Once Protected You Can Begin to Limit You
Think about it this way for a moment: the leader who always has to be right may still be trying to prove they are smart enough. And then there is someone who avoids difficult conversations still protecting themselves from rejection. And who do you know (maybe it’s you) who is always rescuing everyone else because they learned long ago that their value depended on taking care of others?
None of these behaviors make us weak. They make us human. Real freedom begins the moment we notice the pattern instead of automatically repeating it. That moment may last only a few seconds. It requires a pause before speaking or a question instead of a judgment. It means a change from what I call JULBA (judgment, blame attack) from reacting to responding.
>> Want to know your leadership style? Take my Leadership Pattern Quiz and find out.
Small Moments Have Big Consequences
I’ve come to think of these moments as Glimmers, a moment of self-awareness. They remind us that between what happens to us and how we respond, there is a space. And inside that space lives freedom.
Not freedom from responsibility, conflict or stress. It’s a bigger type of freedom.
Freedom to Choose Is a Vital Part of What Freedom Really Means
Freedom to listen instead of defend, to become curious instead of certain. And especially, freedom to create a different future than the one our past predicted. That kind of freedom doesn’t stay with us. It spreads.
Consider how one conversation changes a relationship. That is when you and another can say, “I’ve never thought of it that way before.” That one moment makes deep change possible.
One relationship changes a team. One team changes a culture. Perhaps that is the deepest meaning of leadership. Not having all the answers. or even inspiring others with perfect words. It is about becoming free enough from yesterday’s patterns that we no longer pass them on to tomorrow. That’s a legacy worth celebrating.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
P.S. Where in your life are you still reacting to an old story instead of responding to the situation in front of you today? That question just might become your next Glimmer. Take the GLIMMERS assessment quiz to see where you are on your road to self-awareness, then give me a call.
