Summary: This famous psychiatrist says it perfectly: “Between stimulus and response there is a space.” — Viktor Frankl. That space is measured in mini-seconds, and yet, it is the foundation of all leadership directives, speeches, and requests. You need a compass to find the right terrain to stay connected, both internally and externally.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I often feel disconnected when I am making decisions.
I tend to go from one polar opposite to the other.
For example, I am either “for “ or “against” just about anything that comes my way.
I rarely ask myself or others whether there is a path that takes into account both sides of a disagreement.
For example, I am aware our education system is one of polarities, and it is difficult to change to a “both/and system.”
I know you are a great proponent of systems thinking and how everything is connected.
Help me, as you often say, begin to see with clear vision.
Signed,
Navigation Expert (in process)
Dear Navigation Expert,
I remember how difficult it was to move from the easier way of good/bad, yes/no, to a more nuanced way of facing problems.
When I learned about systems thinking, I almost gave up, because it takes more energy to look at consequences and connect the dots of often minute details, when making decisions.
Let me get right to it. Think about how you feel when seeking answers: Does your chest tighten in meetings? Is there ever a sinking feeling after a “successful” presentation? What about exhaustion that no vacation fixes?
These are Not Stress Reactions. Check for Signs of Internal Disconnection.
When your head says “go,” your heart says, “This doesn’t feel right,” and your gut whispers, “This is dangerous.” Here is what happens:
You are split, and split leaders create split cultures.
This split didn’t start in the meeting room.
Internal Disconnection Started in Childhood.
If you grew up having to perform to be valued, your head learned to overachieve.
Consider if you grew up soothing volatile adults, your heart learned to over-manage emotions.
Also, if you grew up walking on eggshells, your gut learned to stay quiet.
Then one day, you’re promoted, handed authority, and expected to lead people, but the wiring underneath is still running outdated code.
Leadership Development Fails When It Ignores Family Patterning
You cannot install new behaviors on top of unresolved emotional architecture.
GLIMMERS at WORK is about integrating your three intelligences so leadership finally feels honest.
When head, heart, and gut speak the same language, something miraculous happens:
You stop reacting. You start responding. And your presence becomes the permission others need to become their best selves.
The operating system is waking up. Make this the year you become strong and sure of your reaction patterns.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
P.S. Want a free copy of my best-selling book Invisible Stress (It’s Not What You Think!)? Just send an email to sylvia@ceoptions.com, and it’s yours.
