Summary: Recently we explored the power of human connection as the foundation for trust, engagement, and resilience at work. We talked about the need to slow down enough to notice each other, to listen beyond words, and to remember that behind every role is a real person carrying stories, stress, hope, and history. This fourth piece goes deeper. Because at the heart of meaningful connection is something both simple and incredibly difficult: the courage to be seen. Notice what resonates with you.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
In our Executive Leadership Team meetings we often talk and joke about “the elephant in the room.”
Yet most of us still stay away from courageously speaking out.
I have at times held back for fear of upsetting my team (the Pleaser), or pretending that we are so united that the little issues are not really important (the Denier).
And then, when the proverbial fan gets hit with all the upset, I blame everyone else for not speaking up (the Persecutor/Bully).
What does it take to be courageous enough to stand in the circle of fire and tell the truth?
Signed,
Elephant Tamer
Transform Outdated Patterns at Work
Dear Elephant Tamer,
I hear what you are asking for: you want truth and deep courage to be the way you and your team react.
Not the polished version. Nor the perfectly composed executive presence. But the real human being who is underneath.
For example, do you remember a childhood game, “Who took the cookie from the cookie jar?” And as kids we would clap and say with great enthusiasm, “Not me!” as we attempted to find the real culprit?
Thus, we learned to smile and lie to be safe.
Look, often being courageous enough to tell the truth was an important decision in the moment, and sometimes being quiet was a survival necessity.
Speaking out could mean a hard punishment rather than a discussion of better ways to communicate when situations were difficult.
Now, as an adult, that gut feeling of fear to speak out is still strong and thus, many retreat.
Now, as a fully grown human you can use better communication skills to be courageous and still be safe.
The Moment That Changes Everything
Years ago, I was working with a senior leadership team in a fast-growing company. On the surface, everything looked successful. Revenue was up. Talent was strong. Strategy was solid.
And yet, the energy in the room was flat.
People were polite, careful, and distant. Meetings were efficient, but not alive. Decisions were made but not owned. Something essential was missing.
During one session, I asked a question I often ask when the head is doing all the work and the heart and gut are silent:
“What’s something you’re not saying that might help this team?” Or I would ask, “Who would like to show us that elephant taking up too much space in the back of the room?”
There was always a long pause.
In this situation, one executive, usually composed, always controlled, spoke quietly. He said he felt alone, he had to carry everything and couldn’t show uncertainty, and he worried that if he did, others would lose confidence in him.
The room shifted.
Another leader admitted she was exhausted.
Someone else shared that he didn’t feel heard.
Another said she was afraid of making the wrong call and being judged.
In less than ten minutes, the team became human again.
That was the day real connection began.
Why We Hide
From a young age, most of us learn patterns that help us survive in our families and early environments. Some become Pleasers. Others become hyper-responsible Rescuers. Some play “let’s pretend” Deniers. Some even run from the room as Avoiders.
These patterns work for a while. They help us to belong. They help us stay safe.
But at work, especially in leadership, those same patterns can create distance.
We think, “I can’t let them see I’m unsure.” Others say, “I must have all the answers.” And many think, “I can’t show weakness.”
So, we hide behind competence.
And competence, while valuable, does not create connection.
Human presence does.
Where GLIMMERS Live
In my work and in my upcoming book GLIMMERS at Work: The New Leadership Operating System for Head, Heart & Gut, I talk about the small moments that signal truth, the subtle inner signals that guide us when we’re willing to pay attention.
A glimmer might be the warmth you feel when someone finally speaks honestly. Or perhaps it’s the relief when a leader admits they don’t know.
And then there is the gut sense that a conversation just became more real.
Those are not small things.
They are building blocks of trust.
When leaders allow themselves to be seen, they give others permission to do the same. And that’s when connection becomes more than a concept. It becomes culture.
The Cost of Staying Hidden
Organizations where people stay guarded may look functional. But underneath, something important is missing.
Look at it this way:
- Innovation slows
- Risk-taking disappears
- Energy drops
- People feel alone even when surrounded by others
We don’t connect through perfection. We connect through authenticity.
And authenticity begins when we stop pretending we’re not human.
A Simple Practice
You don’t need a major initiative to strengthen human connection at work. Start small.
At your next meeting, try this: Ask one question that invites truth, not just updates. Listen without interrupting. Share something real, not just something impressive.
Watch what happens.
You may notice a shift in the room. It will appear as a deepening. It is what I call a “glimmer.”
A Personal Note
The more I’ve worked with leaders across industries, the more I see the same thing: people are hungry for connection. Not forced team-building exercises. Not surface-level check-ins.
Real connection.
The kind that says: “I see you.” “You matter.” “We’re in this together.”
That’s where strong cultures are built. Here is where loyalty grows.
And, that’s where leadership becomes human again.
The Human Call to Action
If this series has resonated with you, I invite you to begin noticing the glimmers in your own workplace, those quiet signals from the head, heart, and gut that tell you when connection is real and when it’s missing.
And if you’re ready to lead in a way that brings people closer instead of pushing them apart, contact us. This is the work we do every day.
Human connection is not a soft skill.
It’s the foundation of everything that lasts.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
P.S. Connect with us for a complimentary 1:1 session on how you can bring better communication to work (and at home): sylvia@ceoptions.com.
