Summary: Why disruption brings out our oldest behaviors, and how to turn uncertainty into a GLIMMER.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
Have you noticed how differently people respond when the world suddenly feels uncertain? My son-in-law, who was a “shew-in” for a relatively minor public office, now looks like he will lose the vote for a job in a local administration, and he is a total mess. The odds were always in his favor, and he initially said he was running for office out of curiosity. In other words, just for the fun of it.
Now, however, he is blaming others and wants to sit at home and sulk. My daughter is furious, saying she will never support him in any public way ever again. Look, in most elections and sports games, there are winners and losers. I say we learn and move on.
How can I help make this a more effective outcome rather than a “sorry you lost” scenario?
Signed,
Hopefully Helpful
The Dangerous Moment Between Disruption and Reaction
Dear Hopefully Helpful,
There are as many reactions to losing as there are people on the planet. Some become angry. Others withdraw. Some work harder, talk louder, or attempt to control everything around them. And still others seem remarkably calm, even curious, about what comes next.
Same disruption. Different reactions. Why?
Because when the unexpected happens, we don’t simply respond to what’s in front of us. We often react from patterns formed long before the present moment, and those patterns can determine whether disruption divides us or becomes an opportunity for growth.
Disruption Doesn’t Create Your Patterns; It Reveals Them
Let me move the election to something more common for most of us. Imagine walking into work on Monday morning and learning that your organization is about to undergo a major transformation. The familiar structure is disappearing. Decisions are being made that you cannot control. The future looks different from what you expected.
Watch what happens.
The Super-Achiever immediately creates a plan, works longer hours, and tries to outwork uncertainty. Underneath all that activity may be an old belief: If I do enough, everything will be okay.
The Rebel challenges the changes, questions authority, and refuses to go along simply because someone says so. Sometimes this resistance protects important values. Other times, it prevents necessary progress.
The Victim feels powerless. Why does this always happen to me? Rather than exploring possibilities, this person may become trapped in a story of helplessness.
The Persecutor/Bully looks for someone to blame. Anger becomes a shield against fear, and criticism replaces curiosity.
The Pleaser agrees publicly, even while privately disagreeing. Keeping everyone comfortable feels safer than speaking honestly.
The Avoider withdraws, postpones conversations, and hopes the disruption will somehow resolve itself.
The Denier insists nothing important has changed. When reality threatens a familiar worldview, denial offers temporary protection.
And the Splitter begins dividing people into opposing camps: those who understand and those who don’t, those who are right and those who are wrong.
Sound familiar? These are not necessarily bad people behaving badly. They are people using familiar strategies to manage unfamiliar circumstances.
Your First Organization Was Your Family
Here is what many leadership programs overlook. Long before we entered a workplace (or ran for political office), we learned how to respond when life became unpredictable. Perhaps your family handled uncertainty by arguing. Maybe everyone went silent. Perhaps one person took charge while another tried to keep the peace. Some children learned to achieve. Others learned to disappear, challenge, entertain, or rescue.
Those strategies may have helped us navigate childhood, but what protected us then can limit us now. The past may explain our reactions, but it does not have to dictate our choices. That is where pattern awareness becomes so powerful.
In my work with executives and teams, I’ve seen how quickly uncertainty can activate old behaviors. A leader who normally listens becomes controlling. Often, a collaborative team starts pointing fingers. Sometimes an employee who usually contributes thoughtful ideas suddenly goes silent.
And everyone wonders, What happened to us? Here’s what happened >> stress activated the familiar. Below is what I often say to those I teach:
“Strategy is logical. Stress is biological.” —Sylvia Lafair
When we feel threatened, our nervous system can move into protective responses(opens in new tab) before we’ve fully considered what’s happening. That’s why telling someone to “just calm down” rarely creates meaningful change. We need something more useful. Here is a way to recognize the pattern before it makes the decision for us.
From TRIGGERS to GLIMMERS
The GLIMMERS Effect™ offers a five-step path for navigating disruption:
- TRIGGER: Something unexpected happens. A decision, announcement, loss, disagreement, or sudden change.
- PATTERN: Notice your automatic reaction. Do you attack, withdraw, overwork, please, blame, or deny?
- PAUSE: Interrupt the automatic response. Take a breath. Give yourself enough space to recognize what’s happening.
- UGLY MIDDLE: Stay with the discomfort of not knowing. This is often the hardest part. The old response is familiar, while the new choice is not yet comfortable.
- CHOICE: Respond from awareness rather than habit. This is where a GLIMMER appears(opens in new tab)—a moment when you recognize that you can do something different.
The disruption may not disappear. But your relationship to it changes, and that changes what becomes possible.
What happens when patterns transform?
The Super-Achiever becomes a Creative Collaborator, recognizing that the answer doesn’t have to come from one exhausted person.
The Rebel becomes a Community Builder, using independent thinking to create meaningful change rather than simply opposing it.
The Victim becomes an Explorer, asking, What possibilities are available that I haven’t considered?
The Persecutor becomes a Visionary, replacing blame with direction.
The Avoider becomes an Initiator, taking the first constructive step instead of waiting for certainty.
And the Splitter becomes a Peacemaker, helping people recognize that differences do not have to become divisions.
These transformations don’t happen automatically. They require awareness, practice, and the courage to question our most familiar responses.
The Leadership Opportunity Hidden in Disruption
Here’s something worth considering: when the world feels uncertain, people look to leaders for direction. But they are also watching how those leaders behave. Think about it this way—do they become reactive or reflective? Or encourage curiosity or demand agreement? Perhaps they make room for different perspectives or divide people into winners and losers?
Leaders cannot always control what happens around them. They can, however, become more conscious of what happens within them. And that awareness influences everyone around them. Calm is contagious. So is cortisol.
Your GLIMMER Challenge This Week
The next time something disrupts your expectations, ask yourself three questions:
- What am I feeling right now, and what triggered it?
- Which familiar pattern is trying to take charge?
- What would I do differently if I responded from curiosity rather than fear?
You don’t need to love disruption or need to pretend that every change is perfect. And you certainly don’t need to agree with everyone around you. You simply need to recognize that your first reaction does not have to become your final response.
Disruption is inevitable. Repeating your old patterns is not.
The world will continue to change, sometimes in ways we welcome and sometimes in ways we never imagined. The question is not whether change will come, but whether we will keep reacting from yesterday’s patterns, or discover the GLIMMERS that help us create tomorrow.
Remember: You can’t change what you can’t see. And once you see the pattern, you have a choice.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
P.S. My upcoming book GLIMMERS at Work: The Self-Aware Leader’s Advantage is out soon — get the introduction for free here! (opens in new tab)
